That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
