My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
