eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
