hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
