We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
