non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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