i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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