I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
