Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
