I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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