Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
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My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
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I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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