sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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