Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
