Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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