you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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