He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
