I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
