he thought i was a dude.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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