i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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