Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
