I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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