I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
