I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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