I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
