Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
