At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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