I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
