He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
someone owes me an orgasm
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
