I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Let's paint friendship bongs
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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