I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
