"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
