What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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