This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
