Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
