JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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