So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
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Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
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He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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