She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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