My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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