she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
