We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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