is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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