I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
