My hand turned me down
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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