ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
