I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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