i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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