yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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