so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
