I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
