the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
