Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
