We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
