I feel great
I just peed on a car
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Are we still banned from the library?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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