I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
