I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
