if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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