I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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