that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
