he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
this is an emotional support booty call
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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