Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
