Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
