if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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