I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
