Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
