Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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