4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Less talking, more tequila
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
