Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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