Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
