Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
