Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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