just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
